you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
