so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
