I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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