well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize