we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
