woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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