dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
