woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can I color on your dick again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
