is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
dude. I can hear the air.
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