I've blown a few things in my day
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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