420 ftw
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
