why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
