my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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