Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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