Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize