.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
