Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
