i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
