I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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