yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
