somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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