I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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