I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
