I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
