Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
