This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize