i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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