And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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