That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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