he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
