Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
