I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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