if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
