if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
