Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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