I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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