Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
