i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
