I just saw a hot homeless man
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
