Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
