fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
