only you would photoshop your dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
