I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
