I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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