Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
