don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
