"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
