dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
