Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
