Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
