Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize