3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
