Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
