I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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