Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
