I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
