why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
