what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
