you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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