The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
