we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
