How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
