I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
