I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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