I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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