if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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