She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're like the curious george of whores
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
