hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
