i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
