I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
