You can't motorboat a personality
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
