This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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