Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
