My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
