I cannot find my penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize