I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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