so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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