also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize