i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
