we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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