based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
