apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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