hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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