i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
