the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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