Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize