Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
