fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
