So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
