I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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