you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
