WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize