Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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