saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
