did you get engaged???
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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