I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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