There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
