I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize