I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize