Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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