I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
