She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
