Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize