Little spoons don't ask big questions
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
