Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
