Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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